THE LONG CUT

Hey Man-

You happen to see that thing?

You had to have passed it between there and here

Two days ago, middle of the day

Hot

Old truck in the church lot- all bed springs and bicycle frames and bits of rebar

A little man draggin' a doe from the ditch

Face and arms so damn dirty it wern't clear if he was black or white or somethin' else

That gray man and that skinny old woman:  All bent up

Shooin' away birds 

You know:  Those birds

Did you see it?

C'mon!  Damn hard to miss, that

So, when did you last get to town?

Guy in front of the liquor store as I went in

Yesterday

Front pockets full of finish nails

I know, 'cause I stopped for a second, watchin' as he drew out palmfuls 

Focused

Pickin' through like he was lookin' for somethin'

Fingers all bloody

I went on in, got me some beers

As I passed, asked if I could help

"No," he said  

"I got a dollar in my shoe"

Did you go past that day?  

I expect he'd been there for a while

You ain't gotta answer  

I get it

Hey Man-

Don't you live out past me?  

You told me once

I remember

Then you know the back way

The "Long Cut"

Bottom of the ramp, very first right

You know it

Don't bullshit me

Then you've seen him:  the guy with the sign 

You know:

Cardboard.  Thick, brown, letters in black majic marker

All lower case, which is stupid

Bettin' he stole that marker  

Duct tape on his shoes

Remember that sign?  What it said?

"insert your favorite form of personal disdain here"

Did you make eye contact?  

That was stupid 

Bettin' now he knows where you live

Figured you to be smarter

And today:

That dog on the side of the road

Just past the spot where the guy stood the day before

Only the regular way, no right turn

Some mixed breed mutt, all bloody

Legs like tobacco stick,s pointin' back toward the paint

Head wrenched 'round, eyes shinin' off into the woods

I seen his collar:  All sparklin', lookin' like diamonds

Shit

No way in Hell you missed that

I had to swerve else I was to hit it

Now, I gotta ask:

Did you come the regular way?  

You did, right?

You saw it, right?  

I already know

Of course you did

I know you did

You stopped, got outta your truck

You looked at the dog, then up and down the road

But you didn't see me

You stole from a dead dog, right?

I know it was you  

No sense in lyin'

Ain't intendin' to tell nobody

But you know I know

Fish~

BREATH

Summer

I stayed with my friend

No longer kids, far from grown

You were her sidekick

Horses and motorbikes

"She can ride with you"

You pressed against me

Your slender arms around my waist

Your head turned, pressed against my shoulders

I held my breath

A high school crowd

My friend leaned close, whispered:

"She likes you, she told me"

"No-" I said

Flattered and embarrassed 

"Yes!"

I looked at you across the room

I watched you smile, laugh

Something happened

I held my breath

"Can I come over?"

"Yes"

We lay in the floor

Ate popcorn and watched tv

Your folks on the couch

I wanted to be closer

"Perhaps a movie, a ballgame?"

"Perhaps"

Time all but stopped

I held my breath

Another summer

Your father drove

Your mother rattled

We sat in the back seat

Pressed close together

Our shoulders, our hips, our thighs touching

Fingers laced so tight

Our gaze only for one another

The warm air crossed through the windows

I held my breath

Time passed, so much happened

Here we sat together

You held my hand across the table

But for only a moment

You told me how things were

I closed my eyes tight, head down

My mind began to burn

Then you left me

I drew in deeply from the room

The air that had just moved past you

Then, I held my breath

SANCTUARY BLUES (with apologies to Neil Young)

On the way to work the other mornin', and I happened to hear Neil Young's 'Revolution Blues'.  Alway's been a favorite of mine- the music's a little spooky, some dark, ominous lyrics.  My kinda stuff.  It's from his album 'On the Beach', I'm thinkin' 1972, maybe.  It brought back a vague idea that had been bouncin' around inside my head for several months...

So, after a week or so of hackin' around, I wound up with this thing here.  A little bit of a warnin', though:  some folks may find parts of this offensive.  I did...

SANCTUARY BLUES 

(with apologies to Neil Young)

Well, we’re the New Revolutionists, we’re revolutionary fools

We boast of dedication to our Constitution's rules

We're determined to stand our ground, on our Nation's public lands

And refuse to go back home until the Feds meet our demands

It’s so beautiful out here, with all my white like-minded brothers

It all just feels so right, not givin’ a fuck about the others

 

We tore down a little piece of fence, in a grand symbolic move

And the boss man said that we'd do more, if we had somethin’ else to prove

And with that nigger in the Whitehouse, that’s where we’ll lay all blame

It’s all in the name of God, I’m almost certain that’s his name 

We’re serious contenders, you’d best make no mistake

With Stars and Stripes and Stars and Bars, and that one that has the snake

My boots are caked with mud and dung, it's cold and rainy here

And our reasons and the goal, somehow, don't seem exactly clear

But the boss said we'll be heroes, or famous, at the least

If we only hold the line against the Bloated Government Beast

So I’ll pretend I'm General Washington, drawin' my battle sword

As I pose atop my pickup with a nail pushed through a board

We're Soldiers of Fortune in our Army surplus gear

But we're runnin' outta soda, and we've long been outta beer

The Post Office stopped deliveries, they've shut off water and power

Now I can't charge up my Android, and I'd kill to take a shower

And I ain’t holdin’ many shells, 'cause I never got much cash

And I just didn’t have the heart to raid my Armageddon stash

The boss man got arrested on a mission into town

His unit slipped on outta camp when the Sherriff weren't around

He had a patty melt at Shoney's, and then crashed City Hall

But the reception that he got wasn't what he'd hoped at all

The Board told him to go on home, they didn't want us here

They didn't need the chaos, intimidation, and the fear

Cut up my shirts for toilet paper, need me some jerky and dry shoes

Think my trigger finger's frozen, ain't much'a nothin' but bad news

But we're in it for the long haul, my fellow patriots and me

And we'll make damn sure the outcome is what it's s'posed to be

We'll line the overpasses, and risk our very lives

As we draw a bead on Guardsmen while we hide behind our wives

Sittin' on this powder keg, too Goddamn scared to light the fuse

I got myself some blues

Some disenchanted camper's blues

I got them dirty lowdown Sanctuary Blues

Them Oregon Wildlife Sanctuary Blues

I got them Oregon Wildlife Sanctuary Blues...

Fish~

 

TO SLIP

Fragile old man

He lies sleeping but not still

On a narrow bed with wheels and motors

The sheet at his back cool and smooth

A vague shape beneath a cotton blanket

Thin but heavy pure white

I look down at him

Paper skin over bones of chalk

I am selfish

I want to wake him

Hear him speak and see him smile

But I do not

His chest rises and falls

Breaths short and shallow

That start with a twitch

A microscopic gasp

Puffed out past dry lips

An exhausted sigh

His hands twitch

With opiate dreams

A brow furrows then melts 

Now a tight-lipped grin

He's holding a small child

Or perhaps turning a screw

The release of a spring

Or a shudder from cold

A leap from a branch

Or stumbling on a ledge

I watch it pass by

But am unable to tell

Another breath

His lips scarcely move

A whisper answers a question

Asked only of him

Another breath

Fragile old man

Fish~

21 September 2014

CAREFUL WITH THAT AXE, ALVEERA

Gotta take a little time to set this one up...

Fifteen plus years ago, me and mine were in Wildie, Kentucky for a reunion of my Dad's people.  Everyone had gathered at Vincent Fish's place- beautiful day, big shelter set up in his front yard, shady, huge spread of good food...

After a couple hours, Vincent's daughter said she'd like to take everyone who wanted to go for a wagon ride over the family property.  She was familiar with some family history, as well as some other local things and would act as our "guide".  A number of us loaded up.   My cousin's husband drove the tractor and we set out.

At one point, we stopped up on a high ridge.  The stone chimney of a long since gone cabin stood lonely.  A hundred feet or so away, right  at the edge of the woods, were the barely noticeable ruins of another small log structure.  My cousin proceeded to share the story of a couple that had once lived in the cabin that Time had all but reclaimed, leavin' only this chimney, like a giant grave marker.

Cut to last summer:  I'm visitin' with an old friend at his folks' new place in Middletown, Kentucky.  My friend asked his mother if she'd fetch a particular guitar he wanted to show me.  As she walked up with the guitar, my friend joked as he reached for it, sayin' to her, "Careful with that axe, Alvira!"

That phrase instantly brought back the memory of the story I had heard years earlier.  

After about a year of messin' around, I wound up with what follows here.  Hope you enjoy it...  Timmy 

CAREFUL WITH THAT AXE, ALVEERA

Among the hills of poplar and pine

Kentucky- nineteen and three

There stood a tiny whitewashed church

As our Lord would have it be

There in that valley, lush and green 

Where runs the Path of Life

Tall and handsome Willie Monroe

Took fair Alveera for his wife

To a cabin small, on a rocky ridge

In a place both lonesome and wild

Willie did bring his precious bride

Where she'd bear him an imperfect child

Willie set out each day before the dawn

To provide his young family a home

He'd work the fields of burley and corn

And leave lovely Alveera alone

Careful with that axe, Alveera

Its trouble you might not know

In Spring, her days were plantin' and chores

With Eelie on her hip

He never spoke, he wouldn't walk

Just bruised her with his grip

Out past the smokehouse, in early Fall

With heart and fingers hurt

Alveera split the Winter's wood

While Eelie squealed and scratched in the dirt

Then Willie took to returnin' late

And set himself a liar

While Alveera lived with Eelie's screams

And stared into the fire

The days grew shorter, the nights grew long

The leaves commenced to fall

Alveera and Eelie would sit alone

And Willie might not come home at all

Careful with that axe, Alveera

Your slight frame might not manage its weight

As Willie rode home, one cold Fall day

In evenin's fadin' light

There on the ground, near Winter's wood

He saw that dreadful sight

Eelie's body, cold and wet

Bespoke a gruesome fate

While his head lay quiet in his mother's arms

As she crouched by the smokehouse gate

What made you do it, Alveera

What made you kill Little Eelie this way

She'd draw a breath, and "Trouble, trouble, trouble"

Was all that Alveera would say

Careful with that axe, Alveera

It may be sharper than you think

Fish~

JUST ONE MORE MAN

As I walked down the street, and you came into view

Couldn't see your face, but I knew it was you

You leaned against his car, under parking lot light

While I stood there transparent, in the grip of the night

You both spoke so softly, I could barely hear

But I could tell by your bodies, it was perfectly clear

As you stood there and kissed him, so easy to see

You now loved another, and no longer loved me

With our hearts in boxes, on rows of shelves

Sometimes we don't even know ourselves

I closed my eyes tight as my head spun 'round

I heard my heart breaking, a low, lonesome sound

You'd say you were sorry, that you'd never hurt me

But your feelings had changed, we were not meant to be

A forgotten toy on a bedroom shelf

Sometimes you don't even know yourself

With all my past pain as a brand new start

And the strength of conviction to set me apart

I thought myself special, even better than most

Emotions of lead, the heart of a ghost

I'd pretend to be strong, could care less what you did

As I ran out the back, or kept myself hid

Now you here at my door, with me still your fool

Just another lost child in the drowning pool

A man on a ledge, with a lipstick scar

Sometimes you just don't know who you are

Your grey eyes are open, though you don't speak a word

With my sayin' 'I love you', as the last thing you heard

It's clear I'm not special, not a part of some plan

Only one in a billion, just one more man

Now your heart's in a box, on a closet shelf

For sometimes I don't even know myself

~Fish

TALKIN' to GOD

When we talk to God

For whatever the cause

Does He turn toward the sound

Do our words give Him pause

Does delivery matter

When we feel we should call

A shout, or a whisper

Or no sound at all

When we talk to God

 

To pray from the bed

In a hospital room

And wait for release

From the pain and the gloom

Aware of our plight

Before we can call

Does He secretly listen

Ear pressed to the wall

When we talk to God

 

When the weight of the World

Presses down on our soul

Are our words like spun silver

Or black dirty coal

To cry out for comfort

From the end of our rope

Is it selfish of us

Our want for Hope

When we talk to God

 

The Man on the Brink

The Slight Starvin' Child

The Desperate Mother

The Planet Defiled

A plea, or a wish

Or a humble request

Will He shuffle and sort

Does He always know best

When we talk to God

 

Our witness and faith

And the praises we sing

Do these make us worthy

To ask for a thing

Great nations in Chaos

A dead baby bird

A moment distracted

Might our words go unheard

When we talk to God

 

The wait and the wonder

With nothing to show

Is it too much to ask

Just a yes or a no

Is He simply too busy

Should we brace for a fall

Are His hands to His ears

Is He listenin' at all

When we talk to God

Fish

 

 

 

 

 

 

Flood

Rained eight straight days
Then it rained some more
The river ran wild
Like a cocaine whore
Earth to Mud
As the Trouble soaked in
With the bridge washed out
And our Faith stretched thin

We reckoned it'd stop
Like it done before
Got to thinkin' different
When it reached the door
Daddy said "We can't stay,
Else we'll wind up dead"
So I dragged that boat
From in back of the shed

The river was risin'
And I told her so
Said I was sorry
But we had to go
She said "You don't love me,
And you never did.
You trapped me here
With this bastard kid."

I said "It don't matter.
We all gotta go.
Wrap the Baby in a blanket,
No time for no show."
But the storm raged on
Inside a her head
"No way out.
Better off dead"

Took hold of her arm
Pulled 'em toward the door
The water comin' up
Through the cabin floor
But she kept pullin' back
Repeatin' what she'd said
"No way out.
Better off dead."

Through the back door
My heart in my throat
Mama and Daddy
At the back of the boat
She slips from my grip
As the porch gives way
Competin' with Thunder
For Noise of the Day

The water blows past
Pushin' garbage and trees
I fall back in the boat
Climb up to my knees
Liftin' my head
I'm hearin' her scream
Lightning flashin'
A Nightmare's Dream

An instant she struggles
Then they're swept outta sight
Her and the Baby
Into Hell, into Night
A bolt shoots down
Splittin' open the Black
Me shoutin' her name
Daddy holdin' me back

The river pulled back
When the storm finally eased
The crops are all ruined
The well is diseased
We searched for a week
For my Wife and my Child
The pain is all mine
A debt reconciled

Ain't got clothes
No place to sleep
What ain't washed away
Ain't fit to keep
There's a mark on the windows
From where the the water went down
The dog's run off
The cats all drown

Ain't nothin' here
But my folks and me
And this blanket I pulled
From a cypress tree
Ain't no graves
Not even a stone
Don't know where they are
Just know that they're gone

Mamma won't stop cryin'
Daddy don't say shit
Keeps scroungin' around
Can't get 'em to quit
Just more sorry livin'
Workin' in vain
Tradin' Sorry Existence
For Anguish and Pain

A life barely worth livin'
Was all I could give
This ground and this place
Weren't no way to live
But her hard times are over
No space for doubt
In the Wake of the Flood
She found a way out

Now it's my time
For a desperate turn
No chance for redemption
No dry wood to burn
Just the grief and the guilt
Ain't a glimmer of hope
But I'll find my escape
With Whiskey and Rope

If I Bleed

If I bleed
For what I've said
Like gravity pulling
A crimson thread
Will my heart grow cold
And hard as stone
If I keep my eyes closed
Will the pain be gone
If I bleed...

If I fall
Should I lose my grip
Misjudge the gap
A fatal slip
Would I fall forever
A cat down the well
Knowing I won't have
To live to tell
If I fall...

If I lose
On the final play
Use my last token
At the end of the day
Might I vanish
Without even a trace
And bid farewell
To this lonely place
If I lose...

If I bleed
And it just won't stop
If my life should fade
Drop by drop
Would it leave a mark
Will you call it a stain
Could you wipe it away
Would it end my pain
If I bleed...

If I bleed...

shAMe

Into Darkness I slide
For the Unendin' Ride
Exhaustion pushes me down
Spread paper thin
As the Blackness seeps in
Sportin' my Guilt like a Crown

Sadness waits there
And Pain fouls the air
I want out but my Conscience won't let me
The Murder of Hope
The Staggerin' Scope
Makin' odds on what no one will bet me

Strangers surround me
Ugliness hounds me
Smothered by Thoughts that just can't be
With Memory my Curse
Bad becomes Worse
When I'm Sleepin' the Sleep of the Guilty

My Conscience is scarred
The windows are barred
All the Children are ragged and filthy
Inescapable Dread
The Lost and the Dead
Sleepin' the Sleep of the Guilty

Awake in a sweat
Wrapped up in Regret
With the fear of what was and what will be
Hide from the Mistake
Just by stayin' awake
Stop Sleepin' the Sleep of the Guilty